Mormon Family Blog

“In a world of turmoil and uncertainty, it is more important than ever to make our families the center of our lives and the top of our priorities.
. .

“We need to make our homes a place of refuge from the storm, which is increasing in intensity all about us. Even if the smallest openings are left unattended, negative influences can penetrate the very walls of our homes.”

(L. Tom Perry, “The Importance of the Family,” Ensign, May 2003, 40) (From Family Gems)

How do we make our homes a refuge? In the beliefs of Mormonism, parents are the foremost teachers, the foremost examples for their children. If parents are not firm in their convictions, if they expose their children to things that they shouldn’t, if they act up themselves, they will influence their children to be uncertain about the convictions that the parents are actually trying to teach them.

But even faithful, earnest parents need to be careful. Indeed, Mormon leaders counsel that parents keep close communication with their children, know who they are and what they’re doing. The idea is not to smother or to oppress, but to be there when a child is uncertain, or is encountering something they don’t know what to deal with. Parents must be there, as a strength.

“We must understand that each of our children comes with varying gifts and talents. Some, like Abel, seem to be given gifts of faith at birth. Others struggle with every decision they make. As parents, we should never let the searching and struggling of our children make us waver or lose our faith in the Lord.

“Alma the Younger, when ‘racked with torment . . . [and] harrowed up by the memory of [his] many sins,’ remembered hearing his father teach about the coming of ‘Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world’ (Alma 36:17). His father’s words led to his conversion. In like manner, our teaching and testimony will be remembered by our children.”

(Robert D. Hales, “Strengthening Families: Our Sacred Duty,” Ensign, May 1999, 32)

(From Family Gems)

So, it’s frustrating. When you teach children correct principles, when you live Mormon doctrine as well as preach it, when you are, in everything you can be, an example to your children–when you do this and they don’t seem to understand, when they openly stray, what do you do? Do you despair? Do you decide you were a bad parent, or that the Mormon Church is false if you couldn’t teach it to your children?

They will remember. When their struggles bring them into dark places and the light is there, waiting to be reached to–when they walk in darkness and long for truth, it will be there. They will remember. They will return.

Our lives are hectic. No one will deny that. To live today is often to rush frantically from one thing to another. Our jobs often take up most of our time and, when we go home, we’d maybe rather relax by ourselves than worry about what our children have been doing.

Sometimes, our children’s needs can seem less essential than that big work project, or getting that book written before deadline or finishing that church responsibility early (Mormons think church involvement is important, but never to the neglect of family). Even that football game can get so involving that our children are given a back seat. When you’re involved in something else, your children can even seem like interruptions or irritants.

Always remember that they are your highest priority, that their instruction and welfare is very important — that they depend on you and that your time is the greatest gift you can give them. Mormons believe that parenthood is among the greatest roles we can have and that it is always the parents’ responsibility to make sure children grow up right.

Elder Ballard, a Mormon apostle, speaks further on this:

“We should cherish and care for our children with unwavering dedication. The older we grow, the more precious our family becomes to us. We come to see more clearly that all of the wealth, honor, and positions of the world pale in significance when compared to the precious souls of our loved ones. You young parents who are beginning your families must guard against seeking financial gain, worldly comforts, or achievement at the expense of your children. You must guard against being so anxious to get to work or to a meeting that you do not have time for your family, especially time to listen to anxious little voices. . . .

“We cannot and we must not allow the school, community, television, or even Church organizations to establish our children’s values. The Lord has placed this duty with mothers and fathers. It is one from which we cannot escape and one that cannot be delegated. Others may help, but parents remain accountable.”

(M. Russell Ballard, “Teach the Children,” Ensign, May 1991, 79-80) (From LDS Family Gems)

I think that I am not the only one who struggle during Christmas season to make sure that my children understand that receiving presents is not what really matters during this time of the year. I try to teach them that to give is more rewarding than to receive.

Also, I try to have them understand that if a present costs more it doesn’t necessarily means that it is worth more. I noticed for example this conversation between one of my children and a friend.

“What did you get for Christmas last year ?”

“Oh, I got this jacket”

“..how much did it cost?”….

It looks like sometimes they don’t really know the value of a gift and they assume that if a present is more expensive it must be more valuable and (unfortunately) a proof that the parents love the child more.

Because of these my recurring thoughts during Christmas Season I really appreciated the LDS (Mormon) Gem I received this morning:

“The meaning of more and less is not always crystal clear. There are times when less is in reality more and times when more can be less. For instance, less pursuit of materialism may enable more family togetherness. More indulgence of children may result in less understanding of life’s important values.”

(H. David Burton, “More Holiness Give Me,” Ensign, Nov. 2004, 99)

Your children love you. They are born loving their parents. It’s part of who they are as children. And it’s absolutely essential to love them back. They can’t help loving you and if you restrain yourself from loving them, if you don’t act loving and nurturing, there’s little else you can do to make up for it. This isn’t just a Mormon principle—researchers agree. Children love and if it isn’t reciprocal, they will be very, very unhappy. Mormons believe that children need love very much.

But of course you love your children—how do you show it? You’ll find that what makes your children feel loved may be different from how you feel loved, or how your other children feel loved. You need to know your children and be aware of who they are. There are a number of ways to find out how they feel appreciated and loved.

Read more at our site’s new article about Loving Your Children.

In the Mormon Church it is stressed that children are better taught by precept and example. This point is also confirmed by research. When parents’ words and actions are in harmony they have a greater positive effect on children.

The Lord has said:

” ‘Inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents. . . .

” ‘And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord’ (D&C 68:25, 28).

According to Elder Hales, “Children who are taught to pray and who pray with their parents when young are more likely to pray when they are older. Those who are taught when they are young to love God and believe He lives will more often continue their spiritual development and increase their feelings of love as they mature.” (Robert D. Hales, “How Will Our Children Remember Us?” Ensign, Nov. 1993, 9-10)

Marriage is very important for most people, but this should be even more important for members of the Mormon Church since they believe in eternal marriage.

There are certain myths that are prevalent among people in our society and even in the Church that can mislead our decisions.
This interesting list of myths about preparing for marriage is found in Jeffry Larson’s book, “Should we stay together”.

Myth #1: There is only one right person in the world for you to marry.
Reality: There are several individuals to whom you could be happily married.

Myth #2: Until a person finds the perfect person to marry, he or she should not be satisfied.
Reality: No one is perfect.

Myth #3: You should feel totally competent as a future spouse before you decide to get married.
Reality: A person should feel competent to be a spouse, though some feelings of anxiety are natural.

Myth #4: You should be happy with anyone you choose to marry if you try hard enough.
Reality: It takes two mature and well-adjusted individuals to make a marriage work, so one needs to be reasonably sensitive and selective in the choice of a mate.

Myth #5: You should choose someone to marry whose personal characteristics are opposite from your own.
Reality: A person should choose someone to marry whose personal characteristics are similar to his or her own.

Myth #6: Being in love with someone is sufficient reason to marry that person.
Reality: Although romantic love is important, especially in the early stage of a relationship, other factors are equally or more important to marital satisfaction and should be considered before marriage.

Myth #7: Choosing someone to marry is a “decision of the heart.”
Reality: Choosing someone to marry is decision of the heart and the head.

Myth #8: Living together will prepare you for marriage and improve your chances of being happily married.
Reality: Cohabitation may help us get to know each other better, but will not serve as a trial marriage or increase our chances of being happily married.

Myth #9: Choosing a mate should be easy.
Reality: Choosing a mate is not easy; the decision should be carefully thought out.

Myth #10: Preparing for marriage “just comes naturally.”
Reality: Preparing for marriage is learned and is based on sound information and personal assessment.

These myths and interpretations can be found in Jeffry Larson’s book, “Should we stay together”. Larson, J. H. (2000). San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass (pp. 3-12).

Shared religious beliefs and practices within marriage help couples prevent, resolve and reconcile marital conflict, according to a new study out of Brigham Young University. Dollahite interviewed 57 highly religious, middle-aged married couples from “Abrahamic” or major monotheistic faiths comprising Christianity, Judaism and Islam. Participating couples from New England and California were asked several questions regarding the influence and impact of religion on their marriage. (Read More)

The Mormon Church focuses its attention of families because one of the basic Mormon beliefs is about the eternity of families. When people realize that their family relationships are supposed to last for all eternity they start thinking and behaving differently.

Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Mormon Church said:

“We cannot and we must not allow the school, community, television, or even Church organizations to establish our children’s values. The Lord has placed this duty with mothers and fathers. It is one from which we cannot escape and one that cannot be delegated. Others may help, but parents remain accountable. Therefore, we must guard the sanctity of our homes, because that is where children develop their values, attitudes, and habits for everyday living.” ( M. Russell Ballard, “Teach the Children,” Ensign, May 1991, 79-80)

I have noticed how easy it is for our kids, especially teenagers, to be influenced by their peers. Even when parents are teaching the correct principles they still are tempted to follow the crowd of their friends without always thinking properly about consequences.

Fathers and mothers have the duty of teaching their children and they can’t delegate this duty to anybody else. However, fathers and mothers are more motivated and inspired to teach their children when they have an eternal perspective, when they know the real purpose of what they are doing.

This is one of the reasons because if we desire to live in a better world we should be promoting missionary work. Probably more good people will improve their parenting by learning about the Gospel of Jesus Christ than by participating in most parenting seminaries.

This blog will be about families. It will be especially for those families that want to be together forever. This doesn’t necessarily imply a belief in the Mormon doctrine about families but it implies at least a belief in the importance of having healthy and happy families.

More soon !